


You Can Only Get Better

by justasmolgay



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: A Lot of Gay, Eating Disorders, Fluff, M/M, Sad, Self-Harm, Suicide mentions, high school au kinda - Freeform, ill try to make it end up happy, not in the band
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-17
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-09 17:29:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4357994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justasmolgay/pseuds/justasmolgay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>hey don't listen to him. im sure you're really good. keep doing art, you can only get better<br/>-josh</p>
<p>Josh is a cute checkout boy at target who writes a note on the back of an old receipt to Tyler. Tyler is just really really sad.<br/>(this is a bad description, sorry)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I walked around target looking down the aisles for sticky notes. My brother, Zack, was in the food section looking for ice cream sundae stuff, which I'm trying to avoid as much as possible. I stumbled upon some really nice art supplies, which surprised me because I didn't think that target would have such high quality oil paints. I was running out of my old ones, mostly the white. I picked them up, not even daring to looks at the price because I knew they would be too expensive. Mom will pay for them though. Shes the only one in this family who supports my love for almost all fine arts. Singing and painting are the only things I do. I don't have many friends, actually any friends, so I need something to do during the dreadfully boring summer.

  
“Tyler, where the hell are you,” Zack called from what sounded like a few aisles down. “This ice cream is going to melt if you don't get ass out of this store.”

  
“Hold on. I just need to find sticky notes.”

“That was what you've been doing for 15 minutes Tyler,” he groaned. “Whatever I’m going o check out. Hurry up if you want to buy anything on moms card.”

  
I grabbed a pack of multicolored sticky note from the next isle down and ran to catch up with Zack. I held the paints, sticky notes, and my phone in my hand hoping to hide the paints as best I could. I know he will make fun of me and call me gay or whatever if he sees them. Which honestly I don't get why because art is definitely not gay. Art has traditionally been dominated by male artists since the 1400s. Probably because women weren't allowed to be artistic or have some kind of voice in the world until more recently. Which is also bullshit. I guess straight people are just terrified of anyone being even somewhat different than any societal norms. Anyway.

  
I put my stuff on the belt, putting the sticks notes on top on the paints, and prayed that Zack wouldn't see them. The checkout guy scanned all of Zack's unnecessary food items and slowly scanned mine. He seemed young and had curly dark brown hair and gauges. He was honestly really cute, probably about my age.

  
“Tyler, what are those? Does mom know you're buying them? How much are they?” Oh no.

  
“Its fine Zack, she's always cool with me being art supplies,” I quickly replied.

  
“No, you're lying. She never lets me buy stuff for basketball. I had to pay for the shorts I bought last week with my own money. You don't even need any of that art shit, you're no good anyway.”

  
Oh. That hurt. He’s right though. I'm complete shit at art. All of my stuff is meaningless and looks awful.

  
“Your total in $43.98. Credit or debit sir?” Zack said credit and the checkout guy turned around and looked like he was writing something down on an old receipt. Zack scanned and signed and waited for the receipt. The checkout guy handed it to me, not even asking if we wanted it in the bag or not.

  
I looked down and he had given me two. The first one was from our transaction and the second one wasn't even ours. I turned it over and realized he had wrote something on it.

hey don't listen to him. im sure you're really good. keep doing art. you can only get better  
-josh

I looked back at him, blushing probably, bit he was already helping the next customer. I couldn't help but feel bubbly inside. Not only was he really nice, he was also really cute.an he was right, I can only get better as long as I keep at it.

  
Zack saw me smiling and laughed at me.

  
“What are you doing you fucking idiot. Come on. get in the car.” I glared at him and he saw.

  
“God Tyler. Why are you always such a little bitch. i don't have to drive you around, can't you just be nice. You are never happy and you're always a complete ass to me. You piss me off so much,” he yelled.

  
I just sat there. I don't have the energy to defend myself. It true. I'm never happy. I barely even talk or leave my room. Not to mention I haven't eaten a full meal in 3 days. I’m just a fucked up 16 year old who can even function without wanting to die.

  
“So? Aren't you gonna say something?” he took his eyes off the road and glared at me. “God you're so fucking annoying.”

  
My eyes started to water so I stared out the window so he wouldn't see. If he sees me cry he’ll never let me see the end of it. I thought back to the checkout boy and smiled a bit. Josh, I think that's his name, was the first person who has been nice to me for weeks. I’ll probably never see him again.

  
We pulled up to our house and I quickly got out of the car grabbing my bag. Zack didn't even ask me if I wanted ice cream, thank god. I ran up the stairs and shut my bedroom door behind me before the first sob came out. I stripped, avoiding looking in the mirror so I didn't have to see myself, and grabbed my towel to go shower. I walked into the bathroom and turned the water on as hot as possible. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and froze. I looked horrible. My hair was astray and my eyes were red and puffy. My body looked gross as usual and my never fading scars were still on my thighs looking as horrid as ever.

  
I got in the water and felt it burn my back. It hurt but in a good way. My knees felt weak and my vision was spotty so I sat on the floor of the shower, letting the water hit my back. I should probably eat something. But we all know I'm not gonna do that. I sat there thinking for about five minutes before realizing how much water I was wasting. I stood up and shampooed my hair. My head was still blurry and foggy from me not eating for over 19 hours, but it kinda felt good. It was like being drunk and everything was in and out of focus. I dropped the bar of soap and giggled while swaying before picking it up. I should probably get out before I pass out.

  
I don't remember much after that, except somehow I ended up in bed thinking about the checkout boy named Josh.


	2. "Well Tyler Uh Joseph, it's nice to meet you, again"

Why am I awake? The room was completely dark so I rolled over and clicked the home button on my phone. It read 2:34am. Fuck. My stomach cramped up and it felt like I was going to throw up any second. I groaned and rolled over, knowing the ache will go away soon. It happened all the time, I'm not sure why but it had something to do with my ed. I lie there for about 10 minutes before realizing that I'll probably never sleep so I grabbed my journal and my phone and snuck out of my room that I shared with Zach. I walked down the stairs towards the basement, the only place I felt safe in the house. There was a little section that I had devoted to my art/ music in the corner behind the stairwell.  
I sat down at the keyboard and plugged my headphones in so I wouldn't rick waking anyone up. So I played. I got lost in the chords and melodies, feeling like I was escaping for myself. Music was the only way I could get away. Hitting the keys in specific patterns had never seemed so cathartic than right then. I poured all the shitty things I was feeling into that song.

I played for what seemed like hours until I woke up to a light being turned on and footsteps walking down the stairs. I picked my head up from the keys and quickly hid my headphones and journal in the piano bench. I sat down on the couch and pretended to be on my phone before i looked up to see my dad at the bottom of the stairs.

“What are you doing up so early?” he asked, studying me curiously.

“Oh I, uh. There were some birds outside that wouldn't shut up so I came down here for some quite.” Hopefully he believed that. Wait what time is it anyways? I checked my phone which said 6:49.

“Oh ok. Um have fun I guess,” my dad said before he walked up stairs still a bit confused.

I felt a tug in my stomach and realized that I should probably eat something unless I want to die. Well actually… Shut up.

I walked upstairs and turned into the kitchen where my mom was cooking and my sister was eating cereal. I smiled and waved, still not saying anything and grabbed a granola bar from the pantry. I didnt want to eat too much or else I’ll get a stomach ache from the sudden change in food intake. I took the bar and went back to the basement to do nothing and hopefully, avoid everyone.

________________________________________

“Tyler, do you want to come shopping with me?” my mom yelled from the living room. I hollard back a sure and ran upstairs to get dressed in proper clothes. I grabbed a random grey shirt from my drawers and put on the black skinny jeans i worn yesterday and ran down to where my mom was standing. I grabbed my vans from behind the front door and walked out to the car.

The ride was silent and we ended up at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, me realizing that I don't want to go linnes shopping, I asked my mom if I could head over to target which was next door. She told me it was cool as long as I kept my ringer on in case she needed me for some help.

I walked outside in the hot ass weather and it felt like hell. I guess Ohio summers are preparing me for the afterlife.

Laughing at myself, I walked through the automatic doors. There wasn't anything that I needed so I just went to the music section to see if they had anything good. I flipped through the cds and found a Death Cab album for only $5. Why the hell not. I turned around to go somewhere else and ran straight into a guy wearing a red shirt.

“Sorry man, my bad,” he said, and when I looked up I realized it was the Josh guy from yesterday.

“Oh, uh its fine. Here let me help you.” Josh had spilled his box of who knows what all over when we bumped into each other. I felt a bit uncomfortable like he was staring at me and when I looked up, my eyes met his brown ones.

“Weren’t you here yesterday?” he asked.

“Yeah I was. And thanks for the note Josh, it was really nice.”

“No problem. My parents used to say stuff like that to me about music. It always made me feel like shit so I wanted to hopefully make you feel better.” I blushed as I finished picking up the merchandise he dropped. God he was like an angel. I wonder what he meant by music.

“Whats your name by the way,” he asked.

“Tyler, uh, Joseph.”

“Well Tyler Uh Joseph, it’s nice to meet you, again.” He gave me a smile and I couldn't help but roll my eyes at his lame joke. “I’m Josh Dun.”

I slowly stood up and smiled at him. The first really genuine smile I’ve worn in a long time.

“Hey, aren't you forgetting this?” He handed me my cd. “Great band. That album is amazing.”

“Thanks, they’re one of my favorite bands,”I replied. “Plans is the best album of theirs and I can’t believe I'm just now buying it.”

“Um, no. Transatlanticism is hands down the best. I cant believe you think Plans is better,” he said in a serious tone but had a joking look on his face. I gasped.  
“We’re not friends anymore,” I said with a bit of a joking tone, but was quite serious. Plans is totally their best album. Transatlanticism is good but it will never beat Plans.

“I didn't know we were friends,” Josh shot back, which sounded a bit flirty.

Shit. Why did I say that. God I probably just messed up whatever the hell we had going.

“Sorry, I don't know why I said that. Sorry.”

“Hey, I wouldn't mind being friends, you seem pretty cool. Unless that chance is far out the window because of the fact that you don't like Transatlantic,” he said with a little laugh. Fuck his laugh was cute.

“Hey I never said I didn't like it, I just think Plans is better. And you seem pretty cool too.” I hope that didn't sound lame. I hope he doesn't think I’m lame.

“Hopefully this doesn't seem to forward, but I get off shift in 30 minutes, do you want to go get coffee or something?” God even his hesitation was cute. I’m praying to god that he is gay, or bi, or pan or whatever.

“Yeah!” I burst out with probably way too much excitement. Thankfully he laughed and told me to wait there while he put this box away. I pulled out my phone and saw there were no missed calls from my mom. I decide to text her about me maybe doing something with Josh. She’ll be delighted that I actually made a friends. Josh came back right after I finished.

“So do you want to just walk around and hang out until I’m off? i kinda still have to work but if you don't mind you could just chill here,” he said and I could hear the nervousness in his voice. Aw he’s all flustered, he's so damn sweet.

“Yeah thats cool, I’ll meet you at the front at 3.” He nodded in confirmation and waved as he walked back to do working things. My mom had texted back that that was fine.  
Wait. He said we could go get coffee. And that puts me in a possible eating situation. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. If I deny him then he’ll think I hate him or that I’m weird, but I’ve already eaten too much today. God how do I always get myself in bad situations. Maybe I could just tell him I’m not hungry, which is kinda true because I haven't really felt hungry all day. I dont want him to speculate or be suspicious. But why would he? I’m still fat and gross honestly. I need to get out of here.

I sped walked to the men's bathrooms and sat in one of the stalls for awhile. I need to not fuck up today because this could be the start of the first friendship/relationship I’ve had since I was 10. I’m not sure why but it’s a lot easier to talk to Josh than other people. I usually can never hold conversations for longer than a minute but he makes me feel safe I guess. I feel like I can trust him even though we met yesterday.

I checked my phone and saw that it was already 2:57 so I walked out of the bathroom and towards the entrance.


	3. Hanover's and Hot Chocolate

Josh stood at the front door, looking different after changing out of his work clothes. He was really hot I must say. Jesus control your gay Tyler. I walked over and saw all of his fucking amazing features. His legs were tightly hugged by skinny jeans which flattered them in a way that no pair of khakis could. He had a tight blue shirt on that, god, just flattered his chest so well.

I wish my body was that nice. Fuck Tyler shut up.

“Ready to go? I was thinking of the coffee and pastries shop down the street. Hanover's I think,” he explained with an excited smile. Oh no. I’m gonna have to eat. I dont want this. I dont want this. I dont want this. I guess he saw the look on my face.

“Hey if you dont want to go there we can go to like taco bell or something.” No Josh thats even worse.

“No Hanover's is perfect,” I said with a false smile, thankfully he didn't notice. We walked out and I complimented him on his shoes, which were white Docs. The small talk continued for the 3 minutes of walking.

Josh opened the door and ushered me through, I hid my blush by looking at the dark coffee colored flooring.

“Do you like tables or booths?” Josh asked while fixing his curly hair.

“Booths most definitely! Honestly who would ever choose a table over a booth,” I said as we made our way over to a booth by a window. Josh agreed and looked out at the sky.

“Shit. It looks like it's gonna storm. I hate storms.” I could hear the fragileness of his voice. I just wanted to reach over and grab his hand but we’re friends. Just friends.  
A waitress walked over, who looked fairly young and had dyed blonde hair. She was pretty, I can tell Josh thought that too. He stared at her a little too long before she asked,  
“What can I get for you two today?”

“Um, I’ll have a hot chocolate please,” Josh said with a cute smile. God he’s straight inst he. I realized that I didn't even know what I was getting, and that I really didn't want anything. I’ll just get the same and not drink very much.

“I’ll have the same. Thanks,” I said in probably too rude of a tone. What? I dont want her around any longer than she has to be. I could see Josh watch her walk away before he asked,

“Hey dont you think that was a bit rude? She seemed nice, come on Tyler,” he seemed a bit irritated. Hm shame. “And she was pretty don't you think?”  
I mumbled an apology and fake agreed. Sure she was pretty but I could care less. And I guess its obvious now that I have no chance with Josh. Honestly he probably wouldn’t want to be with me anyway, even if he was gay.

“So Tyler, can I get to know you a bit better, other than the fact that you don't appreciate the best album in the world,” Josh said with a playful grin.

“As I have said before, I never said I didn't like it, I just think Plans are better. Anyway, what do you want to know?”

“Hm, Ok. Full name, Siblings, favorite movie. Go!”

“Tyler Robert Joseph. 3. Two brothers and one sister. And uh, Donnie Darko. Wait or Mr. Nobody.”

“So your middle names not Uh. Damn, that had such a nice ring to it,” he giggled and I reached over and pushed his shoulder. God hes so cute.

“Ok my turn. What did you mean by music when you were telling me about your parents and what's your favorite tv show?” I asked.

“I play drums and my favorite tv show is probably the X Files.”

“Dude thats so cool! And X files is so good, I only got to season 6 though. Why is that show so damn long?” Josh laughed and before he could reply, the waitress came with our hot chocolates.

“Here you guys are. Call me if you need anything. Enjoy!” she said, sounding a bit rehearsed but she probably says that all day so I don't blame her. I still don't like her though.  
We sipped our hot chocolate. Well Josh did, I put one of those thin black straws in and pretended to drink mine. There was a loud clap of thunder from outside and Josh jumped in his seat. I saw his hands start to shake a bit. Fuck he must really hate storms.

“Hey do you want to move away from the window?” I asked, worrying about him.

“Uh, no its cool. I’m fine.” I could see his hands still shaking and his eyes dart around the room. He’s clearly not fine.

“No, you're obviously not fine, come on. There's an empty table over there,” I said pointing towards the other side over the coffee shop.

He stood up, a bit embarrassed, and carefully carried his mug while I followed behind not caring if I spilled. It would make it look like I was actually drinking it. He sat down at the two seater table and seemed to relax a bit, but was still tense.

“Hey Josh, are you okay?”

“Yeah, uh, I'm fine. Lets just get back to getting to know each other,” he said, dismissing my question and obviously wanting to distract himself.

We talked until the rain stopped. I found out Josh just turned 17, he loves traveling and coffee, he loves cats and is terrified of geckos. His favorite season is fall because he likes sweaters and hot chocolate. He wants to move to LA when he graduates and to play in a band one day. I told him I wanted to be in a band too. We seemed to have a lot in common, and the conversation flowed really easily. I was comfortable with Josh. He makes me feel warm inside and I feel like I have known him for a lot longer than a day.  
“Hey its 6pm, I should probably head home,” he said. Wow we’ve been here for 3 hours.

“Oh yeah, um could you maybe, uh, drive me home? My mom is at bookclub and I don't really want to sit in the car with my dad,” I asked, hoping he isn't weirded out or something.

“Oh yeah, sure. My cars still in the parking lot, so we have to walk back.”

I nodded and he paid (after we fought for a bit, him winning because he has a job).

It was still wet outside and it smelled fresh and clean, like the rain had washed all the pollution from Columbus away.

“I’ve always loved the smell of rain,” Josh said. “It has always been something that calms me down after storms. It just refreshes me. Sorry that probably sounds stupid.”

“No, I feel that. It’s soothing. It's always been my favorite smell, besides new books. I love the smell of new books.” I wasn't going to tell him this but sometimes i would go to the bookstore and just smell the books, God thats so fucking weird. Why am I like this.

“And new car. New car is so nice,” he jumped in. He’s right. New car is so satisfying. I nodded and looked at him. He had some forgotten stubble on his jaw that he had probably missed while shaving and he has nice eyelashes. He had a few freckles scattered around his face and a hole in his lip where he must’ve had a lip ring or something. He was so beautiful, I hope he knows that. He turned towards me and noticed me staring.

“Is there something on my face or,” he said furrowing his eyebrows. I snapped out of it.

“Yeah, you have some chocolate around your lips.” Wait now he knows I was staring at his lips. Fuck.

He picked up his shirt and wiped around his mouth and my god does this boy have a nice stomach. He looked back at me, silently asking if he had gotten it. I smiled and nodded, even though there never was any chocolate in the first place.

This boy is doing things to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's kinda short , but yeah I'll get them together soon


	4. 1234

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh drives Tyler home, idk

"Hey whats your address? I kinda need to know if I'm taking you home," Josh asked as we stepped into his car. I told him my street as I was buckling me seat belt and he knew where it was, saying how he lived a few streets over.

"How come I've never seen you around before now?" He asked.

"I was homeschooled until last year and I don't get out very much. Hey can I put my number in your phone?" He reached in the cup holder and handed it to me while turning out of the target parking lot. "Yo, whats your password?"

"1234, original, I know," Josh said with a laugh.

"Wow, did you come up with that yourself? That is the best password I have heard of in years. I didn't know you were a genius," I said sarcastically. He laughed and punched my arm softly. 

I glanced over at him and stared at him. He stuck his tongue out slightly while concentration on the road. His fingers drummed the steering wheel to the beat of the song on the radio. His eyes were focused on the road but I bet his mind was elsewhere. He was truly beautiful.

I looked away before it became creepy and typed in his lame password. I put my name as 'Tyler Uh Joseph' and put my number in. I shot myself a text so I could get his number and placed Josh's phone back in the cup holder. I picked up my phone and put Josh's contact name in as 'Josh' with a little alien emoji. 

"Hey Josh, smile," I said as he turned to look at me. I snapped a picture right as he flashed a grin toward the camera before he turned his attention to the road again. I saved the picture quickly, maybe I'll draw him sometime, and made it his contact picture. I noticed we were turning on to my street so I pointed out which house was mine. I grabbed my target bag that had my CD in it and my phone. As I unbuckled my seat belt, my stomach growled. Fuck. No no no. 

"Tyler, what was that," Josh said, half jokingly, half serious.

"Oh, uh, nothing. Thanks for the ride Josh," I stuttered out while quickly getting out of the car. He obviously heard. I hope he doesn't draw any conclusions or think of me weirdly. He probably hates me. I bet he thinks I'm ugly and annoying. If he did he would be right though. 

I walked upstairs, ignoring my family and went straight to my room. I just want to sleep and have nice dreams about Josh so I don't have to think. I got undressed and slid into bed, not caring about brushing my teeth. I was about to plug my phone in when Josh texted me.

_hey, I had fun today. R u doing anything on Friday? oh and eat something please -josh_

no I'm free Friday, and same i like hanging out w u -Tyler

_how about 2pm at my house, ill give you my address later -Josh_

that sounds good, ill see u then :) -Tyler

_alright, have a good night Tyler -Josh_

And with that I went to sleep, casually ignoring him telling me to eat.

* * *

I woke up to my brothers fighting downstairs, ah so pleasant. I checked my phone for any texts and was not surprised when I saw I had none. My phone said that it was 11am and I didn't feel like going downstairs, knowing my family would make me eat breakfast. To avoid that I decided to draw Josh. I walked over to my desk and opened the drawer filled with my sketchbooks and random art supplies. I pulled out my charcoal pencil and my sketchpad and pulled up the picture I took of Josh. He looked so damn cute with his grin and his smile lines. They weren't really dimples but they were hella cute.

I drew for what seemed like an hour, finally finishing with black hands and a similar grin on my face to Josh's. It looked okay, not perfect but it at least looked like him. I hid it in my drawer and washed my hands off in the bathroom. I looked at my face in the mirror and realized how dead I looked. My eyes had bags under them and they seemed sunken in. My hair was a mess and I had black streaks on my chin from resting my head on my hands while drawing. I didn't look good at all. How am I supposed to make myself looks presentable for tomorrow with Josh. He probably thinks I'm gross looking, because to be honest, I am.

I flopped on my bed in despair and decided to listen to my Death Cab CD. I fell back asleep while listening to Stable Song.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is shit, i wrote a chapter yesterday but it was deleted so :/


	5. Chapter 5

It was Friday so that meant I had to see Josh today. Jesus I make it sound like its a bad thing. I checked the texts and Josh said to come over at 2 and it was 1:24 and damn I was nervous. Like I'm going to be at his house, most likely alone with him. I have changed my outfit about 5 times and have been fixing my hair for the past 20 minutes. I hope I look okay, I probably don't to be honest. I'm just wearing black skinny jeans and a grey t shirt because I don't want to look overdressed. But what if he thinks I look under dressed and he'll think I don't care about this. I hope this isn't too casual. Calm down, you're just hanging out with him.

I should probably get going. I had asked my Zack to drive me yesterday and hopefully he is in a good mood. I don't want him to make me feel like shit and ruin my day. I want to have a nice day with Josh so Zack, don't fuck it up. I walked downstairs and called Zack up from the basement I'd be in the car.

yo whats ur address -tyler

_234 boy lane , its the grey house - josh_

kk i'll b there in like 15 min - tyler

The ride was silent except for my telling Zack where to turn. I felt uncomfortable and nervous, what if Josh gets bored of me? What if he is just inviting me over out of pity?  What if I do something wrong and he ends up hating me. We drove down his street and I found his, the grey one as he said. I wiped my sweaty hands on my jeans before getting out of the car. I walked over to the door and rang the door bell, rocking on my heels until I heard someone come to the door. Josh swung open the door and said,

"Hey Tyler, come on in." I smiled and walked in, being absorbed by the smell of Josh, and I guess the rest of his family. I slipped off my shoes and followed him into the living room. 

"So, what do you want to do," Josh asked with his thumbs in his pockets. Like not his hands just his thumbs. Why is he like this.

"I don't know, um. Oh that Mario kart?" I said getting distracted once seeing the Wii.

"Yeah, its the best. Wanna play?" I nodded and sat down on the couch next to Josh. He handed me and control and turned on the game.

"Just warning you, I'm incredible at this game, so don't feel bad when you lose," he said with a cocky smirk.

"Oh well its a shame that I'm the best Mario kart player in all of Columbus, well actually probably the United States, so I doubt you're going to beat me," I shot back.

"Show me what you've got Joseph," he said as the cloud thing counted off the start. 

We played for about 2 hours, Josh beat me twice and I beat him 3 times. I probably over celebrated but I don't really care. Josh said he was hungry and we walked into his kitchen. 

"So do you like live alone or," I trailed off.

"My parents are away for the weekend, I honestly have no idea where they are though." His parents are away and he invited me over. Was that a hint of some sort? Cause like if he wants to get down and dirty, I'm alright with that.

I nodded pretending my mind wasn't full of dirty things. I am a 16 year old boy i should not be thinking about this. 

"Do you want anything to eat? I'm making myself a sandwich and I can make you one if you want," he offered. Fuck. Should I just tell him I ate before or will that make him suspicious. I don't want to lie but I don't want to have to eat. I know if I do I will probably freak out because I ate some breakfast today and I don't want to eat anymore.

"Um, I had lunch before I came, I think i'm good. Thanks though." Hopefully he believes me.

"You sure?" He asked and I nodded. he went back to making his sandwich while I looked around. His house was really nice and homey. It was warm and just felt like home. There were a lot of family pictures one the walls and everything made the house feel like a home. I looked at one of the photos of Josh from when he was younger and started laughing. He was probably about 10 or 11 and he had an awful hair cut and was missing his front tooth. Josh looked over and saw me laughing and grabbed the photo frame and shoved it in a draw. 

"Shut up, I was 9," he complained, glaring at me slightly. I was still giggling when he finished his sandwich five minutes later. 

"You're annoying," he said jokingly. I knew he was joking but my smile faded and I turned away. Was I being annoying? I probably was and he most likely thinks I'm rude for laughing. I'm such a bad person, I should go home.

"You want to play another round of Mario or should we do something else?" he asked. Ok I don't think he wants me to leave. I turned back around and replied,

"Nah, lets do something else."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Um, ya I have no ideas."  
  


"Okay, lets just watch a movie or something." I agreed and followed him upstairs to who knows where. I assumed we would watch it in the living room but I guess not. He led me into his bedroom, which had dark grey walls and a huge drum set in the corner.

"What do you want to watch?" Josh asked grabbing a basket of dvd's off the floor. I hesitantly sat on his bed and he brought the basket over to me. The bed dipped as he sat down and I started looking at the collection he had. I chose Fight Club. I had seen it once before and I loved it. 

"Ah that's a good one." He walked over to the tv and put the disc in. He crawled into bed and under the covers and motioned for me to follow. I sat far away so he didn't think I was weird. The movie started and I began to nod off. I didn't sleep well last night so I guess its coming back to bite me in the ass now.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is rlly short but im gonna continue it tmrw , and some gay shit is gonna happen then


	6. Drinking and Dancing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh gets drunk and when he's drunk he's kinda gay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um josh gets drunk in this chapter so just a warning for that. i hope this is okay, i tried to make it as gay as possible without rushing things so yeah. enjoy

"Tyler. Tylerrr. Tyler wake up," someone said in a hushed voice. I rolled over onto something hard and tried to fall asleep again. Sleep sounds so nice right now. I heard a laugh and I opened my eyes to find myself of Josh's chest.

"Oh shit. Hi," I said, really awkwardly. I can't believe I rolled onto his chest. "Did I sleep through the entire movie?"

"Yeah, you passed out pretty fast. Are you feeling okay? Do you want any water or food or something?" he asked. 

"Um, I'm alright. Actually where's the bathroom? I have to pee."

"Down the hall, third door on the right." I followed his directions and walked into the bathroom. Oh god. My hair was a mess from sleeping and the bags under my eyes were more prominent than ever. Honestly I look like death if death had a face.

I did my business in the bathroom and walk back to Josh's room. He was playing on his phone when I walked in and he looked up when I sat down on the bed. 

"So. What do you want to do now?" I asked, hoping he didn't want me to leave. I liked being with him.

"Um, well it's 5:39pm so like, do you want to go make something to eat?" he asked and I groaned internally. I'm going to have to eat because I know if I keep denying it he'll start to become suspicious. I agreed and we walked downstairs. Josh tripped over his feet while walking down and quickly grabbed the banister so he didn't fall. We laughed, me mostly and he pushed me. I gripped the banister and gave him a fake angry face, which he chuckled at. I love his laugh.

I sat down at the island while he looked in the freezer.

"Is pizza cool with you?" No, its 300 calories or pure awfulness, but I guess I have to. I nodded and he preheated the oven and put the pizza in.

"You know you're supposed to wait before its preheated," I teased.

"Yeah well I don't like to follow the rules. Fuck the government, I'm going to put my pizza in the oven whenever I want to." He smiled and jumped on the island in front of me. "So Tyler, do you drink?" 

"What do you mean? I drink water and occasionally milk. So yeah I guess." He laughed and shook his head.

"No no. Like do you drink alcohol," he said still kinda smiling a playful grin. 

"Well like I've never had it, except for wine at church. So no, I guess not." 

"Would you like too? Like you don't have to if you're not comfortable with that but I'm gonna have a drink. I want a buzz," he said sliding off the counter and walking over to the top shelf of the pantry. His shirt rode up his back when he reached and well, damn. Could this boy be any less attractive.

"Um, I'll try it I guess." He got out two glasses. One small one and one big one. He set the bottle of vodka on the counter and uncorked it. 

"This is my parents but they never drink it or notice me stealing it. I don't know why they buy it but I'm not gonna question it. I like free alcohol." He poured me a small amount into the small glass. He also grabbed some orange juice to probably wash to down with or something. The vodka smelled awful, kinda like hydrogen peroxide. He pushed the glass towards me and I grabbed it. He brought his to his lips and I followed the action, tipping it back and immediately shaking my head and closing my eyes from he burning sensation. I shivered and put the glass down.

"That was awful," I said making a face from the after taste. "Yeah I don't think I want anymore."

Josh laughed and took my drink, pouring the small amount that was left into his glass. Honestly the taste wasn't that bad, it just tasted like orange juice. But the burning feeling was awful and it hurt like hell. How do people do this. I grabbed myself a glass of water to wash away the taste.

"How do you drink that? Its disgusting," I said to Josh, him laughing in response.

"You get used to it after a few drinks. And once you know what it feels like to be drunk, you don't mind the pain in the beginning," he replied, drinking some more.

"Don't people usually take shots of that stuff instead of drinking it from a cup?"

"Yeah well you get drunk faster from drinking all of it at once so fuck shots," he giggled a bit and checked on the pizza in the oven. It smelled good but I sure all hell wasn't excited to eat it. I'll probably gain a pound from eating it. I didn't even have that much of an appetite, but I don't want to make Josh worry. "The pizza looks like it will be done in a few minutes, can you get out the plates?"

"Where are the plates?" I asked, I had no idea where anything is in this house.

"Oh right. They are in that cabinet," he said pointing to the one above me. I opened it and found the plates, getting out two and bringing it to him. He turned around and bumped into me as I was about to set them down. One of the plates smashed on the hardwood and I caught the other one.

"Jesus Josh. We need to stop running into each other," I said laughing. 

"Oh but Ty, I like running into you." What the fuck. Was he hitting on me or something. No, he's not into guys. Well probably not. I choose to ignore it and started picking up the pieces. 

"Sorry for making you drop the plate," he said while getting down to help me clean up. I looked up and realized how close we were. I saw his eyes flick down to my lips and he started to lean in. What the hell was happening. I looked at his eyes, getting lost in the hazely brown.

The oven beeped. Jesus Christ we were so close. Fuck pizza and fuck ovens. Josh stood up and got the pizza out. He set in on the counter and carefully avoided stepping in the glass. 

"I guess I should probably get a new plate." He laughed uncomfortably, probably realizing that if the timer didn't go off that we would have kissed. I agreed and finished picking up the glass, trying to shake off what just almost happened. Did he like boys? Is he into me? I want some of that alcohol now.

Josh cut the pizza with one of those rolling blade things and put 3 pieces on his plate. I put one on mine and thought about how I was going to fake eat it. 

"You wanna go back to my room?" He asked and I nodded. He grabbed his drink and his plate and led the way. He took a drink and shuddered. I don't understand how he can do that. Its so gross, alcohol is bullshit and over hyped. 

We sat on his bed eating the pizza, well I was nibbling on it. He kept drinking the vodka and each sip he smiled a bit more. By the time he finished it he was giggling at me even shivering from being cold. 

"I'm gonna go get myself another glass, you want anything Ty?" He said with a little joyous tone. I kindly declined and he left the room. I quickly switched my piece which had only one bite out of it with Josh's almost finished piece. I doubt he will notice cue to how tipsy he is. He was so damn cute like this. He seemed so happy and free. I also liked when he called me Ty.

I heard his footsteps walking up stairs and saw him with a stupid grin and a full glass of vodka. Or maybe water, they look the same. I hope he's being safe about this. I don't want him to get alcohol poising or something. There inst much that I know about alcohol but I do know that you shouldn't drink too much in one sitting or it will fuck you up. Josh seems a bit fucked up already.

"Hey Tyler, wanna dance with me?" he asked while turning on some song I had never heard. It was kinda slow but I got up and walked towards him. He set his drink on a desk and grabbed my hand. 

"What are you doing?" I asked while he spun me around.

"Having fun. Come on, loosen up." I smiled and started swaying to the music. He may only be doing this because he's drunk but I liked it. He pulled me closer to him and swayed his hips around, I have no idea what he was doing. I laughed and twirled him around which he impressively did a perfect spin before running into the bed.

"Shit, I stubbed my toe. Owwie that hurt. Will you kiss it Ty?" he said with puppy eyes. 

"Fuck no, I'm not kissing your gross feet." I do admit he looked really cute like that. I sat him down on the bed so he wouldn't fall over and looked up at me.

"Tyler your eyes are really pretty. And you have really long eyelashes," he said dragging out really.

"You're eyes are prettier."

"Nope. Not even close. You are so beautiful. Wait did I mean to say that? Yeah I did." Holy fuck. Does he like me? I kinda think so.

"Josh why are you drinking? Are you okay?" I know some people drink when they are sad to like 'kill the pain' or whatever. I hope that not the case.

"Well you see Tyler. I don't like being sober. I don't like thinking and being sad and having sad thoughts. I always overthink things and like I have anxiety and alcohol makes me forget all the shit. And you know, alcohol is fun. Also, you're really cute and you make me nervous. Like you're really cute," he said slurring his words a bit. It all felt like a stab in the heart. He doesn't deserve all that. I sighed and pulled him into a hug. I felt him slump against me, putting all of his weight on me. I held him up and pulled him fully onto the bed. I felt so bad. I want to help him, but I have my own shitty problems to work out. He is too nice to have to deal with this. 

I pulled away and looked into his eyes. His expression was empty and heartbreaking. His eyes were glossy and foggy and his lose grin had faded.

"Josh are you okay? Do you want me to stay the night?" I asked, not wanting to leave him like this. He nodded and rested his head on my shoulder. I grabbed my phone and texted my brother that I was staying the night and that he didn't need to pick me up. 

"Lets do something, I'm bored," Josh said with a sudden burst of energy and happiness. I smiled and followed as he lead me downstairs again. 

"Okay, we are gonna play monopoly Tyler. Because I love monopoly and I want to play it." I laughed at his reasoning and asked him where the game was.

"I don't know actually. I haven't seen the game since 5th grade but we are going to find it so we can play it." I shook my head at him and watched him look through all the kitchen cabinets, as if a board game would be stored with the wine glasses.

"Tyler its not here," he whined. I laughed at him and grabbed his shoulder.

"Josh you're going to hurt yourself, let's get you back upstairs so you wont break something," I said leading him back up to his room. He protested but I didn't want him to get hurt so I ignored it. When he got on the bed he said,

"Tyler sleep with me tonight," he started laughing. "Like not sleep with me but like sleep with me. Wait that doesn't make sense. Like not sex. We aren't having sex. Yet."

He absolutely lost it. I laughed with him for being so out of it. I also really love his laugh. I swear its the best sound in the world. 

"I'm tired. I'm going to sleep. Goodnight Tyler," he laid down in the middle of the bed.

"No no no no. Let me at least take off your clothes. Wait fuck that sounded bad." I blushed and walked over to him. Hopefully this doesn't go badly.

"Ohhh you want me. You want to see me naked don't you Tyler. You think I'm sexy don't you." He laughed and shimmied his torso and wiggled his eyebrows. I shook my head and motioned for him to put his arms up. He did and gave me a wink, which made me blush even more. I pulled off his shirt over hi head and tried to withhold my gasps which I saw his chest. He was so fucking hot. He smirked as if he knew what I was thinking. I decided to leave his pants on because we all know that could get bad quickly. 

"Come on, get into bed you loser," I said to him plugging his phone in and turning off the main light. There was still enough light coming from the lamp for me to find my way to the bed and get undressed. I crawled under the covers and rested my head on the pillow.

"Hey Ty, you still there?"

"Yeah, I'm still here Josh."

"If I wasn't drunk right now I wouldn't tell you this but, uh. I think I like you and I think you're really cute and sweet and I don't know. I don't even know if I'm gay but i like you Ty." I heard him murmur a few more words that I couldn't make out and then it was silent. I think he passed out. 

Holy shit. He likes me. I don't know why he likes me but he likes me. Oh my god what am I going to do. Should I tell him I like him back tomorrow or should I wait. He probably won't even remember that he said that. He likes me, I can't believe he actually likes me.

"I like you too Josh Dun," I whispered before drifting asleep.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for any spelling mistakes , its 2am ,, um i hoped u liked it idk, and they'll get together soon just wait


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